Some Thoughts on Senator Byrd

 

     Recently, Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia died. Serving 57 years in the Senate, he was an American of great stature, the third American Bird in stature in fact, behind Larry and Big.

     And who would win a jump ball between Larry and Big? (Robert could throw the ball up cept he dead). Big has those skinny legs, apparently no knees to bend and really short arms, but he is 8 foot 2 and Larry’s getting older. At any rate there’d be some trash talking.

          Larry: Dodo. Bird brain. Chicken shit.

          Big: You are one of the whitest, ugliest men I’ve ever seen.

     Which leads us to the first and last annual Bird Awards.

          Best Bird Song: Tie. Free Bird and Blackbird

          Worst Bird Song: Bluebird. McCartney at his sappiest

          Jailbird Award: The Birdman of Alcatraz

          Worst Bird in Oil: Louisiana pelican

          Best Bird in Oil: KFC

          Best Bird Lisp Award: Tie. Daffy Duck and Tweety

          Bird Brain Award: Dan Quayle

          Best Basketball Bird Name: Meadowlark Lemon

          Evil Bird Activity Award: Cardinal sins

          Avian Altitude Award: The Birds, “Eight Miles High”

          Worst Bird Dog: Wile E. Coyote

          Eats Like a Bird Award: Karen Carpenter